There were two men. One was a good man who acted in malicious ways. The other was a bad man who wore the mask of a good one. I loved them both. I was deceived by both. One tricked me with a lie. The other made me out for a fool. Both were absorbed with The Big Win. This is why they wanted me. For awhile, I was The Big Win. Until I wasn’t.
One handed me a card and told me it was a face card with no face. I asked him how this is true. He told me that there were things that I did not know and did not understand. “Yes,” I thought, “This makes sense.” Pieces started to shape. From a distance, they seemingly fit, but as the pieces got closer, it was apparent; There was no puzzle, no cards. There was just me, The Big Win, losing.
The other man told me I was smart. He listened to my words. He laughed loud when I triggered laughter. He made sure I heard it. He made me feel so good. He build a wooden pedestal out of layers of an oak tree. He cut down that tree for me. He cut the pieces in perfect form. Sanded the edges and glued them together one by one. He told me, “This is your thrown, and one day, I will make you a golden crown and you will be the one that rules it all.” I was wooed by it all. I began to climb his handmade tower. I was filled with such warmth. It kindled my strength to reach the top. When I got there, I called out his name. I couldn’t wait to tell him, “I’ve made it!” I shouted. Silence. Nothing. I looked ahead and saw him standing tall upon a metal tower. He must have made it for himself while I was climbing. “Look!” he shouted to the people, my people, “Look at the fool upon the wooden tower. Do you want a fool for your queen? Wood burns, but not metal!” Then he throw a match and I was gone. I never saw him again. I have not loved since.
Some people say, “The only person you can trust in this world, is yourself.” I have trusted many men. I have trusted the world. Both failed me; But the ultimate betrayal, the one that truly broke me, was the trust I lost in myself. I failed me. When you no longer trust man, or the world, and you no longer trust yourself…
Is there anything left to believe in?
I put what little hope I had left in a piece of cloth. I tied it tightly together and threw it over my shoulder, still holding it in my hand. I started on foot into The Days of War. I walked with nothing else but my small bundle of hope and build up pieces of flesh, my armor of scars…
–Drinking&Driving, K. Lou.