I walk the edge of the crowd watching for cracks in the pavement like a child. And like a child, I stare at the ostentatious drunkery that dances around me. I convince myself that I am within myself and outside of everything else. I tell stories in my head about the people I see and the people they see that I do not. I am amused by the strange tales about these strangers which I find oddly funny. They are my own but unowned, each one intwined and combined with the other and myself. And they don’t even know.
I told myself I would have a good time today. I am not, but I tried. Sometimes trying is in pill form and sometimes trying is more than a pill. It depends on the occasion. I mumble to myself and skip stoically while hearing my name called and called again. I care little for the sense I make. I have decided that you either know or you do not know and in this general specification the lack of knowledge is not my concern; Though it normally is, as it should be. Skip, skip instead..
He calls, but I do not look. I do the math instead. I share my name with so many others here, I calculate. I decide to ignore him and instead I look for more cracks. Again, my name…
Katie!! HEY, kate? Hellooo.
I listen. I isolate the sound. I have to. My hope for love is my river of slime; I just can’t help myself from getting pulled in. I open my world for a moment, and for a moment everything inside of me feels like everything always or nothing at all. It is so odd; I have no past reference towards this feeling and I have felt so much.
I hear his calls again, K..Katie..I turn my head this time and look and smile like a child…
…There you are.
-KLM, drinking and diving