I surveyed several single male friends that use online dating sites and asked, “What are you tired of seeing on women’s profiles?”  The results were alarming.  Warning ladies…

1.  Men know that you don’t ride horses in real life.  They are on to us.  They may not know how or where we find the horses to feature on our online dating profiles, but they are beginning to ask questions.  Too many questions.  Some are even mimicking our pictures with their own horse pictures to be ironic.  I know.  I know.  It’s sick.  Quite frankly, I think it’s time we chose a new animal to metaphorically represent the men we long to date, straddle and ultimately tame.  I vote for a tiger.  Taming a tiger is way harder than taming a horse.  If you can ride a tiger then you can ride the world.   Plus, Jasmine had a tiger in Aladdin and she is super hot.  Every guy’s favorite Disney movie is Aladdin (seriously, ask.  It’s amazing) so a tiger is a natural choice.

   

   2.  Men know we don’t really run that many marathons.  This one hurts.  I thought I was so clever writing random numbers on white paper with a sharpie and then pinning said paper onto my back and chest while my neighbor takes photos of me running down my street for a few yards until I pass out from exhaustion…just to seem like I love to exercise on my online dating profiles.   I exercise when my pants get tight.  I stop when they feel loose.  That’s it, but according to Bumble or Tinder…I am into running because running is awesome, yay!   Nope.  It’s not.  Sitting on my couch watching Game of Thrones and drinking Beer in oversized sweatpants is awesome, but that’s not very becoming for a lady…

   

3.  They know we haven’t been to Paris or been hiking in the Himalayas despite our advanced photoshop skills.  Currently, my main photo is me riding a horse up the Eiffel Tower in my running gear holding a first place trophy from the marathon I just finished…

AND

4.  They want body shots.  And not the cool kind you get in bars.  They want to see a full body picture of you that isn’t from 2006.  No longer can we rely on solely featuring headshots with Instagram filters (yeah, they know about that too). We might actually have to start running real marathons until a new app comes out that makes us look 15 lbs thinner in our pictures…

BUT SHOCKINGLY

The men included in this very scientific study claimed not to care about the previously mentioned statements that much.  Apparently, if you have an okay body and your face isn’t disfigured too horribly, meaning you have one that includes a mouth, they will want to meet you because meeting you means you might have sex with them.  They don’t even look at your profile description.  Photos only.  They blindly swipe right if you have a vagina and you are in between the ages of “legal” and “not gonna die during.”  They barely glance long enough to notice the perfect filter we used after spending 45 minutes contemplating…

So In conclusion, the men I surveyed are real assholes.